Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Running on empty

I am re-reading Restoring your spiritual passion (amazingly available for 0.01p secondhand).

There is a chapter in it entitled 'Running on empty'. Here are some realities of the inner world of W.E Sangster who was seen by others as a giant of the faith.

"I am a minister of God, and yet my private life is a failure in these ways:

a. I am irritable and easily put out

b. I am impatient with my wife and children

c. I am deceitful in that I often express private annoyance when a caller is announced and stimulate pleasure when I actually greet them.

d. From an examination of my heart, I conclude that most of my study has been crudely ambitious: that I wanted degrees more than knowledge and praise rather than equipment for service.

e. Even in my preaching I fear that I am more often wondering what the people think of me, than what they think of my Lord and His word.

f. I have long felt in a vague way, that something was hindering the effectiveness of my ministry and I must conclude that the "something" is my failure in living the truly Christian life

g. I am driven in pain to conclude that the girl who has lived as maid in my house for more than three years has not felt drawn to the Christian life because of me

h. I find slight envies in my heart at the greater success of other young ministers. I seem to match myself with them in thought and am vaguely jealous when they attract more notice than I do."

[Page 50]

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